Author: Gary Jackson

You Don’t Outgrow the Effects of an Alcoholic Parent

Until they begin to contemplate quitting, any actions you take to “help” them quit will often be met with resistance. It’s common for someone with AUD to try to blame their drinking on circumstances or others around them, including those who are closest to them. It’s common to hear them say, “The only reason I drink is because you…” You’re actually a highly sensitive person, but you’veshut down youremotions in order to cope.

my mums an alcoholic

It’s hard for a tenacious survivor like you to accept, but she’s probably willing her health to deteriorate because that way she’s even less to blame for her misery. There are, however, many options that you can take for yourself. Just because your parent is unwilling or unable to change does not mean that you cannot dramatically improve your own life, emotional well-being, and physical health. There are many resources and support groups out there that specialize in helping the children and other family members of alcoholics.

Do Know When to Take a Step Back

In other words, their behavior, rather than your reaction to their behavior, becomes the focus. It is only when they experience their own pain that they will feel a need to change. Enabling occurs when someone else covers up or makes excuses for the person who has a SUD. As a result, the person with a SUD doesn’t deal with the consequences of their actions. Keep in mind that someone with alcohol dependence usually goes through a few stages before they are ready to make a change.

my mums an alcoholic

Children with alcoholic parents often have to take care of their parents and siblings. As an adult, you still spend a lot of time and energy taking care of other people and their problems (sometimes trying to rescue or “fix” them). As a result, you neglect your own needs,get into dysfunctional relationships, and allow others to take advantage of your kindness. If you grew up in an alcoholic or addicted family, chances are it had a profound impact on you.

How Do I Approach My Alcoholic Parent About Their Problem?

My mum is a very kind and considerate woman who is loving and hilarious, until she teaches for wine or cigarettes, or has to deal with her own mum. My Nana is a controlling narcissistic person who we hate with a passion but the person who really can’t cope with her is mum, which depresses her even more and makes her so aggressive to us. When I was younger these things drove me to suicidal thoughts and problems that school tried to help. She lost it at me when she found out I’d been speaking to outsiders. Sometimes she’ll rage and be horrible but the next day when she’s sobered up she’ll cry and drag her feet around the house like a needy child.

  • Alcoholism can lead to emotional, physical, mental, and financial abuse and neglect of children of all ages.
  • Perhaps your father is afraid of your mother and provoking even more of her anger.
  • These comments can result in lasting damage to a child’s psyche.
  • On this page, we will explain how to recognise alcohol addiction and the impact it can have on families.
  • I’m now 27 and over the years I learned to make peace with my parents’ decisions and lifestyle.
  • If things do get heated or your alcoholic parent becomes abusive or violent, be ready to end the conversation, particularly if you are worried about your safety or that of anyone else present.

Explain the impact that your parent’s drinking is having on your family with clear examples of the changes you have noticed in your relationship. Addiction loves confrontation because it provides it with the opportunity to lash out or become aggressive. This is why rates of domestic violence are higher in homes where alcoholism is an issue, particularly when there is an alcoholic father present. If things do get heated or your alcoholic parent becomes abusive or violent, be ready to end the conversation, particularly if you are worried about your safety or that of anyone else present. That isn’t to say that you should just accept the situation.

‘I loved and hated her in equal measure’ – life with an alcoholic mother

The key to dealing with alcohol dependency in the family is staying focused on the situation as it exists today. It doesn’t reach a certain level and remain there for very long; it continues to get worse until the person with an alcohol problem seeks help. Protect your children, and don’t hesitate to keep them away from someone who drinks and does not respect your boundaries. Growing up in a home where alcohol use is common, can leave lasting scars.

Having a parent who drinks can be very painful and confusing. Your parent may have promised to stop drinking time and time again, but they never do. It’s important for you to understand that alcoholism is an addiction and that your parent must commit to professional treatment in order to truly change. In the meantime, deal with their alcoholism by supporting your own well-being and keeping yourself busy. You might also try to convince your parent to get the help they need.

Additional articles about codependency and Adult Children of Alcoholics that you may find helpful:

Alcohol use disorders, more commonly known as alcoholism, affect approximately 17.6 million Americans. Alcohol is by far the most commonly abused substance in the United States. Alcoholism can severely and negatively impact an individual’s personal, professional, social, and financial life. Unfortunately, alcoholism doesn’t just impact the alcoholic.

  • You may feel like you shouldn’t have to change your life just because they are unable to control their drinking but enabling an alcoholic parent will only make the situation worse.
  • It is only by reaching out to the children of alcoholics that we can hope to definitively break the cycle of addiction that has a stranglehold upon the nation.
  • Choose a time when your father or mother hasn’t been drinking and try to talk to them in a calm, understanding way.
  • The focus then becomes what you did (moved them) rather than what they did (drinking so much that they passed out outside).
  • If family members try to “help” by covering up for their drinking and making excuses for them, they are playing right into their loved one’s denial game.