Author: Gary Jackson

Dating A Recovering Alcoholic? 10 Tips From A Sober Person

The person in recovery can vicariously enjoy all the good and bad that comes with that territory, without a single drink having to be consumed. If you’re dating a recovering alcoholic or thinking about it, ask about their boundaries. Every sober person has them, but they aren’t the same for everyone. You should not feel bad if you choose to not date someone because they are in recovery.

If that’s the case it’s crucial that boundaries around drinking are clearly communicated. If you know you’re going to hate a karaoke party where people are wasted singing “Sweet Caroline,” maybe sit that one out. But also understand that battling through the initial awkwardness of social events without alcohol can take time.

Drinks may be the classic get-to-know-you venture, but with people dating more than ever—thanks to the rise of dating apps —there is a need for outings that are more affordable both in terms of time and money. While mood lighting and a hard-to-pronounce wine list can certainly add an ambiance, figuring out whether or not you actually like someone comes down to conversation and chemistry. In recovery programs, you’re not supposed to make major decisions within the first year. Anything that pulls away from that focus—moving, changing jobs, beginning a new relationship—should be handled with caution. It’s sound advice that absolutely none of the people I spoke with adhered to, though all of them wish they had.

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Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health. For starters, you’re not wrong if you feel like alcohol is never not  served where dates happen. And that’s not ideal if you’re trying to avoid it or don’t trust that you can when it’s on the menu. If your loved one is suffering from a substance abuse disorder, contact a treatment center to get advice on how to get clean. The best way to go about getting an addict admitted to a program is case by case and differs depending on a number of factors, but admissions specialists are professionals at walking you through this process.

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Will they be freaked out by the reasons you’re not drinking? Those questions can also make sober dating extra intimidating, says psychotherapist and licensed clinical alcohol and drug counselor Jason Berenberg, LPC, LCADC. Still, it’s important to realistically assess the prospective problems that dating someone in recovery will likely bring, problems that could affect the other person’s recovery along with your own. Even if you’ve never had a problem with abusing alcohol or drugs, you can benefit from dating someone in recovery. This is perhaps even truer if you’re dating someone in later recovery. The fact that this person has a history of commitment to sobriety means that they’re true to their word.

Don’t make assumptions.

1. Through counseling, they have understood how to identify and process their emotions.
2. Dating a sober person is different than dating someone who drinks.
3. They’ll be very helpful in determining if they’re at a stage of recovery where it’s okay to start dating again.
4. If the truth is you like to go out and party a few times per month, which includes getting drunk with friends, tell them.
5. Recovery is intended to be a time of intense self-reflection and introspection and being newly in love can be incredibly distracting.

The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing. If one of our articles is marked with a ‘reviewed for accuracy and expertise’ badge, it indicates that one or more members of our team of doctors and clinicians have reviewed the article further to ensure accuracy. This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care. This way, the person doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with them. It isn’t a value judgment you’re making, just an acknowledgment that you’re not in a position to be able to be fully supportive of their recovery.

Some people in recovery are OK being aroundalcohol, while for others it is too tempting. This can depend on a number of factors, including how long your partner has been sober and how confident they are in their sobriety. If your partner does not feel comfortable being around you when you are drinking, it’s important to respect that. If you don’t, there could be some tension and frustration in the relationship, and it could possibly jeopardize your partner’s recovery. Unless you want to drastically reduce potential matches, you’re probably going to date someone who drinks.

The Realities of Sober Dating

For example, if you’ve been long-term friends with this person, you might know more about their recovery than if you’ve met them recently. Approximately 30% of people who try to quit drinking will relapse in the first year. When it comes to sober dating, the elephant in the room is always relapse.

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Lifehacker has been a go-to source of tech help and life advice since 2005. Our mission is to offer reliable tech help and credible, practical, science-based life advice to help you live better. Putting some thought into the location also shows that the date matters to you. While we’ve been conditioned by years of cynical cartoons and angsty music to think that effort is the antithesis of cool, effort puts you miles above all the other people who simply suggested a meet-up at the local dive. It’s a way to differentiate yourself from the hoards of other people on swipe apps which can go a long way in making a connection. It’s important that they take charge of their treatment plan and learn to seek the help they need — but, as with anyone, they might need encouragement.

It also depends on the commitment level of your relationship. If it’s something super new and casual, they might not feel comfortable leaning on you for support. But if things are starting to get serious, that might change. We learn to organize our lives strategically to stay physically and emotionally healthy. Sobriety is complicated, especially in cultures where drinking is the norm and addiction is stigmatized. But that doesn’t mean you have to constantly shine a spotlight on your partner’s sobriety.