Author: Gary Jackson

7 Truths If Someone You Love Is Addicted

If you’re seeking help for yourself or a loved one, our expert team is here to guide you every step of the way. The experience of loving an addict can be slightly different for everyone, but there are some general commonalities that most people say they experience. You would most likely not be mad that friend of loved one had cancer, but you can be upset that they have opted to not follow any of the doctors orders.

“These can be helpful because you realize how many other people are feeling the same way.” It might seem like you’re alone in this, but people out there want to help you—even if you haven’t met them yet. It’s natural to feel angry when someone you love relapses, and understanding the nature of addiction may help you realize whether or not any of that anger is misplaced. If you’re able to express how your loved one’s actions have affected you without shaming them, that’s perfectly OK.

1. Setting boundaries can be difficult, but it’s sometimes the only way to preserve a relationship with someone dealing with substance use disorder.
2. If you’re able to express how your loved one’s actions have affected you without shaming them, that’s perfectly OK.
3. Addiction not only involves the individual suffering from the substance use disorder, but their partner, their family, and their friends as well.

Don’t ignore dangerous behavior

However, once you let go of the need for closure, you free yourself to be present in the moment with your full attention. Living in the moment doesn’t deplete your resources the way that living in the past tends to do. By opening up to the pain that accompanies the loss, you are allowing yourself to feel. Most importantly, don’t keep your grief hidden from those who care about you. Being able to talk about the loss and the hurt you feel opens up the door to invaluable support.

Or it may be something practical, like not keeping wine in the house or driving the person to their therapist, treatment center, or group meeting. “Unburdening them from the idea that they have gone out and done this of their own will is really empowering,” Dr. Brennan says. This doesn’t mean not holding the person accountable for the consequences of their actions or acting like they don’t require treatment, he notes, but this show of empathy could mean the world to them. Even if you don’t express any resentment, your loved one may feel so ashamed that they assume everyone is being as hard on them as they are on themselves. That’s why it’s helpful to explicitly reaffirm that you don’t blame them for their relapse. “Many people feel horrible about themselves when they’ve suffered a relapse,” Dr. Brennan says.

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Once I opened up about the issue, love, support, and some judgment came flooding in. When they are crossed, stick by the consequences you have predetermined. Some people will have a high level of tolerance, others will not. One way to help them find a realistic sense of optimism is to tap back into their motivations for getting sober, Bachman says.

How to lovingly detach from someone with substance use disorder

SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. Like everything else, it’s important to ask this question without judgment, Dr. Brennan says. If you’re concerned about sounding patronizing, you can say something like, “I don’t mean to sound preachy—has this relapse given you any insight into your addiction?

Things Not to Say When a Loved One With Addiction Relapses—and 6 to Try Instead

Loving an addict is one of the most difficult things that can happen to most people. Whether you’re in a romantic relationship with an addict, or it’s your child, parent or someone else you’re close to, it’s incredibly difficult to continue loving someone with an addiction to drugs or alcohol. While you may make your best effort to help them, at some point, you might also have to understand how to let go of an addict you love. When supporting a partner or family member who is in active addiction to alcohol or other drugs, it’s critically important that you also take care of your well-being.

Consider Co-Occurring Disorders

Loving someone with an addiction is painful, but accepting that no one can change another is actually healing in that you stop blaming yourself for something you cannot control. It’s increasingly common for someone to be diagnosed with a condition such as ADHD or autism as an adult. A diagnosis often brings relief, but it can also come with as many questions as answers. Once you stop your enabling behaviors, you can then begin to truly help your loved one. It is the most terrible and effective thing you, as a helper, can do—stop helping.

Treatment & Support

You don’t have to go along with this or ignore the behavior to keep the peace. Calmly tell them that what they’re doing is not OK, and disengage. Witnessing your loved one using substances can be very upsetting and stressful. Putting up with discomfort might sometimes feel easier than risking a possible confrontation. When it comes to substance use disorder, detachment may involve setting clear boundaries and ceasing to take responsibility for someone else’s behavior. Although some individuals achieve long-term recovery on their first attempt, for others, it may take multiple attempts over multiple years.

“Self-caring” means that you respect yourself enough to take good care of yourself in healthy and holistic ways such as making sure your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs are met. Understanding why you choose to behave in unhealthy ways is the key to making a change. The Serenity Prayer can give you a helpful gauge to see whether you are trying to control people and situations that you simply cannot control. For example, learning how to set and maintain appropriate boundaries is a very important skill.